things that DON'T make me miss meat

Only in the US would someone stuff a chicken in a duck in a turkey,
then wrap it in 5 pounds of bacon!

Check out more photos and info on the Turbaconducken.

My Girls

I just returned from Nebraska where I spent an entire week catching up with family and friends and awaiting orders from the bride-to-be (which were far and few between). The girls and I finally got a photo together again.

November 2008

(from the left: Nikki, Ring Leader, Mary, Me)

Looking at this photo took me on a stroll down memory lane . . .

September 2005

July 2003

Ethical Obligation

It is under duress from Ring Leader that I am writing this blog entry. She informed me that I have an "ethical obligation" to inform readers about the possible negative side effects of The Master Cleanse. Although I didn't end up in the E.R. as my doctor had warned, I did end up an an emergi-care clinic after arriving in Nebraska Thursday night. ONE WEEK after getting off that stupid Master Cleanse I am paying for it.

I have developed an abscess. BOO! I am soaking in a salt bath (external this time) three times a day, taking antibiotics (and other stuff I will not mention here) AND the doctor said I was going to have to have it lanced - but luckily I didn't.

So, just one more reason that The Master Cleanse is a baaaad idea.

My Mini Cleanse

After 4 days Ney is also ending her Master Cleanse. We each had our reasons for trying it out, but logic has won out. Although many of you have already harangued me about it, here is one more critique of the craziness for your enjoyment.

In lieu of the super crazy, I am going to continue my own mini-cleanse. For the remainder of the time that I was going to do the Master Cleanse (one more week), I have decided to abstain from the following:
- caffeine
- alcohol
- dairy
- desserts
- super processed foods (like chips, not like frozen vegetables)
- high fructose syrup (which I have been trying to avoid for the past month)
This is all in addition to meat - which I gave up 12 weeks and 5 days ago - not that I'm counting. I know many people avoid those things all the time, but I really love them! Although this is very mild relative to starving myself, I mean . . . detoxifying myself, it will still be a challenge for me.

I was already put to the challenge today at a birthday party with free flowing champagne and gin. I actually even slipped up by eating some dip with veggies - ummm, HELLO?!?! dairy! I totally didn't notice. Dairy is such an integral part of my diet and I just never even think or notice it. Ask any of my friends who are lactose intolerant - I constantly offer them milk, cheese, ice cream, yogurt, etc . . . So I'll have to pay extra attention on that point.

I was further tempted when a friend asked if we could stop by Magnolia's on the way home. I haven't tried them yet, but they are supposed to have some of the best cupcakes in New York City (see video to get an idea of the line that can be found, even as late as midnight on the weekends). I really wonder though if they can compete with my personal favorite, Sugar Sweet Sunshine which has pumpkin spice cupcakes to die for! Luckily for me, this mini-cleanse and my waistline - both places are 45+ minutes away.

Oh, and one other thing. I'll be doing lots of yoga during this mini-cleanse (and hopefully afterwards as well). This morning I finally started the free one-week trial at the Bikram Yoga Harlem studio that recently opened. I should be able to keep this hot yoga bizness during my trip to Nebraska as I'll be staying with Ring Leader who lives just a couple blocks away from the Omaha Bikram studio - yay!

Day 2.5: Game Over

Doctor #2 put the smack down and said, "Get off the cleanse, or get off your meds." Unfortunately getting off the meds is not really an option as I've spent 8 weeks building up tolerance to this medication and it needs to be taken consistently to work. So if I get off now - when I finish the cleanse I'd have to spend another 2 months to be back where I am now . . . That's not really an option. One purpose of the cleanse was to mentally help me cope with all this stuff, not hinder the fixing of the problems. . . . Sooooo, I am pretty upset as today is the best I've felt since starting this deal. I was actually beginning to think I'd be able to make it through the ten days. So much for that. I informed Ney - but it seems she is going to stick it out. Go, Ney, go!

Days 1 & 2: A Summary

Day 1: HIDEOUS
The Master Cleanse site/book say this is because so many of toxins were being released. Is this true? I have no idea. What I do know is that I could only finish half of the salt water in the morning - and that kept me "indisposed" for 2.5 hours. Geesh! I had other things I needed to get done, so I stopped drinking it. The entire day I had a massive headache, nausea, intense hunger, and the day ended with me vomiting. How pleasant.

I want to compare the day-t0-day experience of the cleanse so I chose a few key variables and a likert scale to measure how I feel:
1 - this is a big problem, much worse than normal (i.e., when not cleansing)
3 - feels normal
5 - doing much better than normal

Hunger (how strong the hunger pangs are): 1
Physical (the level of discomfort from side effects such as headaches, nausea, fatigue, etc): 1
Concentration (ability to focus/study/talk comprehensibly): 1
Mental power (ability to use the mind to overcome discomforts of the body): 3

Day 2: SO-SO
Ney came over this morning so we could take our salt water together - we needed moral support to put that crap down our throats for a second time. Well, we found out we made a BIG mistake yesterday. We had put 2 tablespoons in our water, instead of 2 teaspoons. OOPS! Perhaps this is why we had such a hard time choking it down and why we were (to quote Ney) "pissing out our assholes." So needless to say, with less salt we were both able to suck it up, and drink it down. The aftermath was much more manageable.

The hunger continues, but I tried to take more lemonade than I did yesterday. Today I managed 5 glasses, still shy of the recommended 6-12, but an improvement. I cannot imagine ever drinking lemonade again after finishing this.

Also had a hiccup that may lead to an early end to this "adventure." Saw the doc today about aforementioned medical issue. She is worried about complications this cleanse could have with the medication I am on. I expected her to tell me this was a bad idea, but I didn't think I might be at higher risk for something that can cause a coma and death! So when I got home, I got online to do some research. Figured if I was aware of the symptoms I could just watch out for them, BUT they are pretty much the same as the side effects of this cleanse ("Signs and symptoms of lactic acidosis are nonspecific and include anorexia, nausea, vomiting, altered level of consciousness, hyperpnoea, abdominal pain and thirst"). I have another appointment tomorrow so will drill the doc to see how much I really need to worry about this, if at all. Ney was really hoping that I would have to stop the cleanse so she could, too - no such luck just yet.

My big accomplishment of the day? I worked out and took to the sauna. Only 30 minutes of cardio - but considering I haven't eaten in two days (something I have never done before) - I thought this was pretty good.

Day 2 Results:
Hunger: 2
Physical: 2
Concentration: 2
Mental power: 2

The Regimen

For those of you who have expressed interested in doing a cleanse on your own, and for those of you who are just curious - here's the daily grind with the Master Cleanse. For all the nitty gritty, download the book.

Step 1: Laxative Herb Tea (Senna Tea)
What?
Senna tea bags or loose tea leaves
When?
Right before bed
Why?
As this is a cleansing diet, the more you can assist nature in eliminating poisons, the better.

Step 2: Internal Salt Water Bathing
What?
32 ounces (1 quart / 4 cups) luke warm water
2 tsp of uniodized sea salt (must, must, must be uniodized)
When?
First thing in the morning
Why?
To cleanse the entire digestive tract (enemas and colonics will reach the colon or a small part of it) . Several eliminations are likely to occur. Be near a bathroom for at least one hour after finishing the salt water mix.

Step 3: Lemonade
What?
2 tbsp freshly squeezed lime or lemon juice (organic fruit is preferred)
2 tbsp Grade B organic maple syrup (not Grade A, nor maple flavored sugar syrup)
1/10 tsp cayenne pepper (a bit more or less to taste)
~2 cups purified medium hot water (enough to make the entire serving 10 oz)
When?
6-12 servings throughout the day
Why?
The lemonade provides all the nutrition needed for the 10 to 40 day cleansing period. Maple syrup is a balanced form of positive and negative sugars and has a large variety of minerals and vitamins. Cayenne pepper breaks up mucus and provides many B and C vitamins.

WATER
Just drink it.

Optional: Mint Tea
When?
Occasionally
Why?
It's a pleasant change from the above, and its chlorophyll helps as a purifier, neutralizing many mouth and body odors that are released during the cleansing period (ummm, I'm a bit nervous about these odors . . . ).

Notes
*No solid food, alcohol, supplements, vitamins, coffee or tea (other than mint or senna) should be consumed during the cleanse. Everything you put in your mouth during the cleanse is listed above.

*When planning to do the cleanse it is important to know that solid food should not be consumed in the first three days following completion of the cleanse. It is important to come off the cleanse properly - see the book for detailed instructions.

Day 1: Grossness

I am trying to choke down the saline wash, and I am grossed out. With The Master Cleanse, it is a daily requirement to drink 32 oz of nasty! Ick, gross, barf (nearly)! I'm not the only one who thinks so - Ney already sent me a gchat about its grossness.

Last night with the impending cleanse on the horizon, I texted a few friends over for one last boozing shabang before I entered alcohol abstinence. Being the good friends that they are, five minutes notice was plenty. I figured I should make sure there are plenty of toxins in my body to further justify this detoxification. The couple of overnight guests I had were kicked out early this morning when I realized the saline wash was going to work QUICKLY!

Hmmmm . . . I am hungry already. I think I need to go make some "lemonade."

Against All Medical Advice

Ney and I are starting a 12-day Master Cleanse tomorrow. For those of you unfamiliar, this is a 10 to 40 day detoxification program to rid the body of toxins. During the cleanse, there is no consumption of solid food, alcohol, coffee, tea, or anything else except these three lovely components each day:
1. morning dose of warm saline
2. 60 - 120 oz of " lemonade" (made with fresh lemons, maple syrup, and cayenne pepper); and
3. evening senna tea.

When Ney first told me about this cleanse one year ago, I told her she was crazy and didn't even consider it for a moment. Now, in the midst of a mini-mental break down brought on by relationship and medical drama and academic insanity, I have decided this mind, body, spirit adventure is just what I need. I will exert control over at least one aspect of my life!

Although I decided to start this blog purely for the entertainment of Ring Leader, I now see the purpose of this blog to document what I hope will be an amazing journey towards inner calm and clarity.